


Just a coupla True Blue Dinky Di Witches

by Mercury32



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Crack, Aussie Slang, Australian Witches, Bogans, Gen, Original Character(s), set in australia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 04:11:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6358807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercury32/pseuds/Mercury32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A pair of Aussie witches sit down for a chat one morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a coupla True Blue Dinky Di Witches

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that tumblr post speculating on what the Australian word for Muggles would be. Encouraged to write this by two people who should know better by now. 
> 
> WARNING: Uses COPIOUS amounts of Aussie Slang. I'd post a glossary, but it would be longer than the fic.

"Oi Sheila!" Shouted Kaz out the kitchen window as she watched her mates washing attaching itself to the line. "Come over for a gasbag when you're done."

 

"Nah Yeah alright!" And 3 minutes later Sheila apparated into Kaz' kitchen. Kaz swore and clutched her chest. "Bloody 'ell!"

 

"Too fuckin hot to walk." She settled herself comfortably at the kitchen table. 'It's gunna be a scorcher. State wide TFB today."

 

'I'm not surprised. Wish the wandless cunts in charge would let the boys help out more at the fires." Kaz shook her head as she dropped a couple of Lipton teabags into teacups. "I just don't see the point of days of hard yakka to get a big grassy under control when Robbo and the guys can cast a few quick hexes and it's all done and dusted. The boss chucked a wobbly & gave them real earbashing last time for saving Bev's shed the way they did."

 

She carried the cups over to the table and say down, the two witches contemplating the unfairness of it all. Then Sheila snorted. "Didja hear what happened when the boys went to 'G last week?"

"Nah! Gis the goss."

'Davo got a group together for the match but there was a Bung up with their tickets so they had to sit near the 'pies supporters. Reckoned they were all up 'emselves. So after knocking back a few stubbies they thought it would be a ripper to chuck a couple of hexes their way."

'Fuckin drongos.' Muttered Kaz. 'Did they think that there were no other wizards there and it was full of Muggos? What happened?"

"Well the dickheads hexed some of the cheer squad and a few of the blokes in the cheer squad hexed them back and soon the coppers were dragging them out of the match. Doesn't matter, Baz reckons the Bombers got done so bad he thinks someone put a spell on the umps."

That reminded Kaz of something. "Did I tell you about what happened to Wal last time he went to the soccer? The drop kick got banned cause he was setting off fireworks with his wand. Real bonza ones too. Well he found out that Baz's kid has a polyjuice potion on the go in the shed for getting into pubs and getting on the piss right? So when victory made the finals, he paid the poor bastard to let him have some so he could get past security."

"That's a bewdy of an idea." Sheila said admiringly. "Wish we'd thought of that instead of chucking our guts up playing Goon of Fortune!'

"Yeah nah, I wasn't gunna wait a month to get my hands on some decent piss."

'Course not ya slag."

They laughed at the memories, then Kaz continued the tale. "Wal went to the match, sunk a few tinnies, then hops into the XR8 figuring she'll be right. He pulls into the servo to buy some durrys and there's a divvy van there. They run his rego while he's getting his Winnies and it's out, so they go over the XR8 and slap a canary on it then give him a breatho. So what does he do? Fucking hits them with a befuddlement charm and drives off!"

Sheila just shook her head. "He keeps this up and he'll have Buckleys of getting off. Speaking of, did I tell ya that me sister in laws goin to the UPF rally on the weekend?'

'But she's a lefty!' Gasped Kaz, reaching for a shortbread cream. 'What's she doin there?'

'Stir up shit of course. She's gunna bewitch all their banners to read 'Racist scum' in Arabic and cast a charm so that everyone with hats and shit over their faces look like they're wearing burqas.' Sheila paused to bite off diagonal corners off her timtam, studying her work for a moment. 'And she's working with one of the blokes from the mosque on a charm to make their snags halal.'

'She's got Roos loose.' Kaz said firmly. 'If she gets caught -'

'Yeah she'll be up shit creek if she gets caught.' Sheila shook her head. 'I said to her, I said 'Matilda luv, you gotta be careful. If they bust ya, they'll be as mad as a cut  
snake.' And Matty just smiled at me and said 'No worries Kaz. She'll be right.'

She leaned down to drink her tea through the Timtam but her cup was empty. 'Shit, it's gone dry. Want another round?'

'Well Sheila, I'm not here to fuck spiders.'


End file.
